Selecting A School and Why The Process Is So Crucial
In a profound extension of the "sensory touchpoint" philosophy.. when you apply the science of brain development—like the concepts in What Happened to You?—to a school environment, you are essentially vetting the "emotional architecture" of the foundation your child will be building upon.
The school for us was HUGE. We wanted it to be just like home - where Margot is loved and cherished and made to feel significant, that she matters and that she is extremely valued and free and safe.
We need to childhood until age 7 as filled with touch-points and how each touch-point needs to be taken into account as parents. You may as well write in stone that kids are soaking in every single touchpoint until age 7 when they are in a hypnosis-like sponge state. If you think this is simply about curtailing vulgar rap music and watching your swearing around them, that you’re in the company of a voice recorder and a sponge, that is extremely platonic view.
They are soaking in everything they are in contact with and it’s becoming their own personality, their own belief system.
THUS, School, the teachers and other kids is a HUGE touch point in my eyes. They learn about how the world works and their position in the world at school, in my absence, so I cannot be present to teach them or explain anything. I won’t even know what goes on there.
The right school meant she would retain her infectious humor, wit, confidence, grit and those would infact be built on. More humor, more wit, more confidence, more grit. NOT less.
How does one find the right school? The below are some criteria that are very meaningful to me:
Do the teachers and parents have a 2-way rapport?
How is the school at hiring teachers - do I resonate with the teachers? Do they feel deep, caring, empathetic or are they shallow, uncaring, and non-empathetic from the outset purely from my initial read of them
Is the school operating from a philosophy, a book, a foundation that is unwavering and one they look to for guidance and follow as closely as possible? That I agree with
Does brain development and emotional health come into play for the school in their methodologies?
| What I Look For | What That Tells Me |
|---|---|
| 2-Way Management & Teacher Rapport | Teachers are valued and management isn't "full of themselves." If teachers feel like anxious, timid employees, the kids won't be the focus—the power dynamic will be. A healthy rapport means the voice of the child’s primary support system (the teacher) is actually heard and acted upon. |
| Hiring Quality & Teacher Resonance | Hiring is the soul of an organization (think Four Seasons vs. Hilton). If teachers lack depth or empathy, the child feels it. Since children copy a teacher’s mannerisms and vocabulary, this touchpoint is non-negotiable. It reveals the management’s true operational quality. |
| Unwavering Philosophical Foundation | A base like Montessori provides a mental/emotional anchor for decisions. It prevents "nuanced" errors, like forcing sharing at an age (2-3) where the brain isn't ready. A school with a knowledgeable base understands how to manage toys and quarreling without creating unnecessary stress. |
| Brain Development & Emotional Health | Children are constantly "reading the room" and mirroring adults. A school that prioritizes this incorporates teacher self-management into training. They know that if an adult mismanages their emotions, the child often internalizes it as their own fault. The teacher is the ultimate sensory touchpoint. |
Why we chose the below pre-schools and how I went about the vetting process
New Generation Montessori in West Palm Beach - I asked to meet the Principal/ The Center Director. I asked to meet the teacher of Margot’s class. Both were checked off, I resonated with their deep and soulful personalities. I look at someone’s eyes and I can see compassion, nurturing, and a penchant for listening. Those who are listening are truly transparent souls. There is an unspoken element of “I empathize with you that you want to see me and make sure your child will be safe in my hands in your absence and I assure you they will just be great. I am a mother too and I completely get your anxiety about this.” I checked off that they follow the Montessori philosophy by asking about how they will manage her first couple weeks. This told me that they have a whole process they follow that is based on emotional regulation (being present for her).
Treetop Academy in PBG - Met with the owner, the principal and the teacher. They have written a book based on their 10 years at the school. They host coffee chats and promote conscious discipline and send teachers for training. This school was deep and wide and they checked off my boxes. What a deep deep school and management. They have a mindfulness class every single day! I was absolutely right - the mindfulness teacher became a friend and made me join the conscious discipline course and the rest is history.